I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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