ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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