We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
