Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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