apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Text me some of your sweat
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
