so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
