If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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