There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
