I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
