Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
