My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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