he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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