I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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