when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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