Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
