this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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