So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
