I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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