Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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