New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
