I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
