You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
