I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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