tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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