i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
