I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
