your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
