I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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