Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
