Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
