I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
