you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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