what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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