Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
