sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize