He is an equal opportunity slut.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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