sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
