Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
