Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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