i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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