Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize