I'm laying in your front yard are you home
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
