i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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