ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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