He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize