I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
