i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
