I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
