and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Couch. On fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
