Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
