So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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