Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
