I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
