So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
