Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
