i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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