I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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