I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
