So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
