so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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