I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
