I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
