He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
