He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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