she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize