Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
