I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
