redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
