I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
