Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
