You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
