One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
