During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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