Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
