ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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