So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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