I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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