I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
