thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
