I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
