We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
