i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
