She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
