you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
