Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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