Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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