There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
