Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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