I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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