It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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