the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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